Thursday, January 5, 2012

I spent $22 on one lipgloss today. A really incredible lipgloss. A lipgloss that I deserve and that I didn't realize the price of till I got to the counter and handed it over along with the $12 lip balm I impulse purchased while waiting on-line.

This is very much what some of my life is like. I was in NYC for a few hours and I got a coffee at Starbucks, got a birthday gift for my friend's kid. I also saw my therapist.

For fucks-sake it is so hard. So bloody painful. Today I thought I had a story to tell that I believed would convey a certain set of emotional conventions that would explain how well I'd been ingesting the sage advice I'd been receiving over the past month or so. That's when he told me that my vocabulary, though impressive, wasn't worth much in my therapy space. That all my fancy words were keeping me from, from... from FUCKING WHAT?!?

From my emotions. Those bastardy things again. While I kept driving to tell my story he kept stopping me to try to get me to dig in on myself and get dirty. But I won! Ha! I only cried a teeny, tiny leeetle bit. Guess what? Turns out that means I Lost. I lost at therapy today. Good thing I had already won at lipgloss or I would have been really pissed.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Fancyland, Fancy vocabulary, Fancy lip gloss. You should change your name to Nancy. Fancy Nancy.

The Nurse said...

I don't look like a Nancy :p

Anonymous said...

As usual, I know you're right.

Anonymous said...

But you can be a little fancy. Hang in there girlie...it's not all about winning, it's how you play the game. Try praying, It doesn't matter to whom or to what... I will let you in on a little secret...My God is a great listener:)