Friday, May 10, 2013

Warning: Nothing but griping here

Yesterday was not a good day. Yesterday I had difficulty managing the emotions and personalities of the people around me and that difficulty made for a fairly traumatic evening of arguing and tears and frustration.

Today, as I attempt to tease out exactly what was wrong with yesterday, a few things keep forcing themselves to the front of the line (and I'm going to make a list):

1. I was not listened to. I was asking for help from my managers and I did not get it (though I was repeatedly told I would)
2. I have co-workers who do their best to avoid work, causing more work for everyone else
3. Human beings (for the most part) will not endure even the slightest bit of pain or discomfort (emotional or physical) if they can help it

I am a nurse; a nurse in Labor & Delivery. My patients are all pregnant or very, very new mothers. It is life on the line at my job. It is serious as a fucking heart-attack except the one having the heart attack is also in labor. Do you know what I'm saying? I hate forced drama when humor isn't my goal but I need to express the extreme nature of my job! A job I do not take for granted, that I am very good at and that can not be treated like any other job that doesn't involve a shit load of blood (and shit) and about a bajillion potential complications.

Yesterday while we were short staffed by short sightedness I asked for help and I was met with  mostly tender, downturned mouths and eyes and sympathetic head-shaking.

I don't have print deadlines or cases to file or projects to document or conference calls to arrange or editing to do or any other really potentially fucking stressful duties during the day.

I HAVE TO KEEP MOTHERS AND BABIES ALIVE. I hate to draw a line in the sand and sound all ass-holey, but for fuckssake... For fuckssake, I can't be expected to do it alone and when the bosses are out to lunch (or leave early for Nurses Week Celebrations- oh the irony!) or co-workers disappear.

This is not a fun post to write. It's whiny. It's a bummer. it's also a bummer to feel that the people around you at your very important job have difficulty engaging. To watch caring people sit comfortably in their administrative roles while you wave frantically from your sinking ship. Weird how they seem to wave back, strange smiles on their faces.

This thing we do, this feel no pain thing. It's quite an insidious beast and we all use it so much so seamlessly that it's become as automatic as breathing. All the while extending its tendrils deeper and deeper into our psyches.

Patients don't want to feel pain. Nurses don't want to work hard and managers don't want to get involved. It's a cynical day here at Chez OBrien's L&D remote office. I may have had enough.