Monday, August 30, 2010

U. G. L. Y.

This is the worst I've felt in a million years. Make that a million and a half. I am angry at everyone and everything. My mind is racing over everything that I fucked up today that I half did, half remembered, planned wrong.

I screamed in the car all the way home. Well, not all the way, just from when the fucking change oil light came on after the ABS light came on. The oil just got changed! The brakes suck! I can't take the car in tomorrow! I can't be stuck in a car dealership with 3 kids all day. I need to get Ruby her school supplies. I need to make phone calls for Link, to get a new script for his new OT, to be home for his OT appointment!

The screaming didn't feel very good. It was freaky and loud but that didn't stop me. I wanted my throat to come out of my mouth, for my insides to come outside and look as twisted as I feel right now. I wanted physical evidence besides my dark circles, grey hair and sagging gut that I feel BAD.

Link is crying up in his bed and I've told the girls to leave me alone. Nice. I can't scream in the house and I can't break anything and for now, my insides are still in.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I should have gunned your car into a concrete support beam in the garage that evening, and blamed it on the brakes. Next time, my friend. Next time.