WARNNG: Rant Ahead
It's a mystery to me how I developed an innate sense of this; my parents were kind of, irrational, and didn't offer much in the way of a delicate journey down the path of righteousness. They yelled a lot. My mom was a spanker. My dad was an OVER REACTOR. I mean, they did fine. But let's be clear and state for the record, that there would be no emulating, m'kay?
Along the way, I got it anyway: You give, you get. And that most certainly applies in the area of respect. This would work like a charm for me for months and years and then BA-BOOM, an asshole would appear on the horizon and my magical bubble of reciprocity would burst and shower me in a soapy mess of disappointment. High school principals, mortgage brokers, babysitters, friends, managers, nursing school instructors... all could offend. But hey! I'm all freakin' positive and shit and I could always find someone, something to bring the love right back home and once again prance down my merry path of blissful alltogetherness.
So what the fuck is wrong with OB's??!?!?!?? I have never. In. My. Life. Met a sorrier bunch of I'mbettherthanyous. Is this a doctor thing? Is that god complex crap correct? Does this lot really, really believe that strutting around in gummy clogs and silly white coats full o' 'tude means something?
We're the ones caring for your patients, watching, waiting, caring. We speak to your patients like people! Ha! We explain, demystify, comfort. Why you gotta be such a dick?
The next time you tell your patients (in front of me, no less) that the nurse made a mistake, I'm going to tell her that the reason you have 17 tubes up her vagina & 37 monitors hooked up to her and her baby is not because you care, it's because you're afraid of getting SUED. Deal?
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Smells like teen spirit
If teen spirit smells like vaginas, that is.
Sometimes, I can smell a vagina in anything. Clementines, bean soup, wet grass, gasoline... given the right state of mind, my mind goes right to the scent of a woman, if you will.
Not always a bad thing, often a really nice & reassuring thing. Certain odors during labor & birth let us know that things are progressing well and that mom and baby will be just fine-- it's so deeply a developed sensory experience that there's no way in heck I can describe it correctly without coming off soundly like (as my husband would say) a "real creamer".
When I leave the unit, though. Shift done, scrubs off, are my nose hairs required to harbor the remnants of my night? When I get home all bleary and make my baby girl her breakfast before I go to sleep, do the oeufs really need to smell like ovum? Do they?
Sometimes, I can smell a vagina in anything. Clementines, bean soup, wet grass, gasoline... given the right state of mind, my mind goes right to the scent of a woman, if you will.
Not always a bad thing, often a really nice & reassuring thing. Certain odors during labor & birth let us know that things are progressing well and that mom and baby will be just fine-- it's so deeply a developed sensory experience that there's no way in heck I can describe it correctly without coming off soundly like (as my husband would say) a "real creamer".
When I leave the unit, though. Shift done, scrubs off, are my nose hairs required to harbor the remnants of my night? When I get home all bleary and make my baby girl her breakfast before I go to sleep, do the oeufs really need to smell like ovum? Do they?
Friday, February 22, 2008
Didja ever notice...
That as soon as you sit down to type something your children peel the skin off of each other's faces, kill and eat the cat, spray paint the bathroom with cooking oil & neeeeeeeeeed you?
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Mother of the Year
Crackers, pretzels & Starburst candies for breakfast. Hey, at least the crackers are organic.
Friday, February 8, 2008
An Inside Job
I have the most important job in the world. Dig it.
Every night, me and the women I work with help mothers give birth. These wee babes grow up to write poetry, serve drinks, start wars, plant flowers, drive cars, buy houses, take steroids, steal iPods, wear leather, eat tempeh & walk their dogs.
The food chain starts here, if you know what I mean.
There are nights that 10, 12, 14 babies are born. There are nights when it's just 1. And sometimes, more than I thought was possible, we have a baby who dies. When my job is good, it's the best. When it's bad, it is truly, truly awful.
The nurses on my floor are our own perfect family. We function as the same person sometimes; anticipating, re-directing, assisting, comforting & scolding one another and one another's needs. You can't do this work if you don't love your team, your family.
Well, the other night, one of us lost her baby. We lost a baby. And I haven't been able to shake it. To stop crying.
The loss is devastating.
We don't know if she'll come back to work. And if that happens... If that happens, our loss will be exponentially greater.
FUCK.
Every night, me and the women I work with help mothers give birth. These wee babes grow up to write poetry, serve drinks, start wars, plant flowers, drive cars, buy houses, take steroids, steal iPods, wear leather, eat tempeh & walk their dogs.
The food chain starts here, if you know what I mean.
There are nights that 10, 12, 14 babies are born. There are nights when it's just 1. And sometimes, more than I thought was possible, we have a baby who dies. When my job is good, it's the best. When it's bad, it is truly, truly awful.
The nurses on my floor are our own perfect family. We function as the same person sometimes; anticipating, re-directing, assisting, comforting & scolding one another and one another's needs. You can't do this work if you don't love your team, your family.
Well, the other night, one of us lost her baby. We lost a baby. And I haven't been able to shake it. To stop crying.
The loss is devastating.
We don't know if she'll come back to work. And if that happens... If that happens, our loss will be exponentially greater.
FUCK.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
I feel like crap today. Cranky, depressed, cranky, lousy & cranky. It freaks people out around here when I say that I'd like to go live by myself in a teensy-wee house like this.
They can come by, bring me freshly baked brownies and what not. I'm not an ogre or anything.
This depression isn't new, and apparently, not very rare. I've been alarmed at how many of my friends complain of the same things. Some of them formally diagnosed, treated and even hospitalized. I'm equally alarmed that %100 of these friends I met over the internet. I know them all in person now; been to their homes, cried into their coffee cups... they're real to me.
I am anticipating the study. The one that will show how the internet has brought out the inner-confessor in us, made us own our madness and and then toss it out into the universe, hoping for someone to latch on. And not in a 'misery loves company' kind of way. In a 'hey! I don't care what my old friends say! I am NOT a freak' kind of way
They can come by, bring me freshly baked brownies and what not. I'm not an ogre or anything.
This depression isn't new, and apparently, not very rare. I've been alarmed at how many of my friends complain of the same things. Some of them formally diagnosed, treated and even hospitalized. I'm equally alarmed that %100 of these friends I met over the internet. I know them all in person now; been to their homes, cried into their coffee cups... they're real to me.
I am anticipating the study. The one that will show how the internet has brought out the inner-confessor in us, made us own our madness and and then toss it out into the universe, hoping for someone to latch on. And not in a 'misery loves company' kind of way. In a 'hey! I don't care what my old friends say! I am NOT a freak' kind of way
Sunday, January 27, 2008
You keep on knockin'...
Jehovah's Witnesses were over yesterday. Again. And I'm pretty sure they'll be back; after all, this time, they got my husband to read SCRIPTURE.
We're Anti Theists (used to be Atheists, but thank you, Christopher Hitchens, we've seen the light. So to speak) and having The Witnesses over is a crackin' good time, I'll have you know.
How often in life do you get to debate from truly opposite sides? And besides, they intrigue me. What with all their "child training" and "help-meeting" and "slappings" and "God fearing-s" not to mention their faith in something that can neither be explained nor depicted; and to my amazement, they don't even care to try to do those things. You see: That's what faith is, silly woman.
They seem like good people, though. They love their kids. They care about their community and they've apparently deemed me and mine worthy of saving in these last days. How can I bitch about that?
We're Anti Theists (used to be Atheists, but thank you, Christopher Hitchens, we've seen the light. So to speak) and having The Witnesses over is a crackin' good time, I'll have you know.
How often in life do you get to debate from truly opposite sides? And besides, they intrigue me. What with all their "child training" and "help-meeting" and "slappings" and "God fearing-s" not to mention their faith in something that can neither be explained nor depicted; and to my amazement, they don't even care to try to do those things. You see: That's what faith is, silly woman.
They seem like good people, though. They love their kids. They care about their community and they've apparently deemed me and mine worthy of saving in these last days. How can I bitch about that?
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