Tuesday, November 15, 2016


Hi boy. Sweet, sweet boy.

Eight. We have all made it here safe and sound, my love and there are some things I want to tell you:

I want you to know that I don't cry about your diagnosis any more. I want you to know that I cry about regular mom shit now. Shit like how you notice when you are getting bullied. I cry when you're disappointed and when you're happy. I cry for you like you are a regular damn kid! It's incredible!

Of course, you aren't a regular damn kid, though are you? You're magic, aren't you?  You can't hide it. You and your Jack-O-Lantern grin, all lit from the inside and glowing like a super moon. You can't hide your magic. It leaks out and spills across the floor, engulfing everyone around you like an oil-slick of love.

Lincoln, listen to me: You came to us and you saved our lives. You leave the room for 5 seconds and your return feels like CHRISTMAS MORNING WHEN I WAS 6. When you laugh, we fill up on it. You are the buffet of life, my sweet son.

The day you were born was a struggle. I had impenetrable oceans to cross those many, many hours. You hurt me. Searing, muscle melting pain that I remember agonizing over on the left side of my pelvis, right where your head and shoulder and elbow were fighting for dominance. Which part of you would we get to see first? And when I realized you couldn't help yourself, that the pain you were giving me was your only way to say HEY MAMA! GET ME OUT OF HERE! I did everything I could to get it done for the two of us.

All the hands were there to pull you out because you couldn't help yourself. We got you here. And almost as a gift of thanks, you are the spectacular human being that reminds us every day that we won. We won, Lincoln! We get to have you!

Eight years old. You dance now. You talk back to me & you give me the silent treatment. You tell a mean knock/knock joke and you think you know how to wash the dishes.

Eight years old and that means I can't write about your hygiene habits anymore. You're big. I don't want you to be embarrassed when you read this, because I think that's gonna happen really soon, too.

Happy Birthday xoxo