Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Mr. Mike Nist, Ladies & Gentlemen

Hey, big man... What the hell? I never got to say goodbye, you know?

Do you remember the Yankee game when (for once) I wasn't drowning in beer? You asked us if we wanted to go to a bar after and I said "no" and that grin, that Mikey Grin spread across your mug and you go: I KNEW IT! YOU'RE PREGNANT! It was so much fun to share that moment with you and your blustering exuberance some 17 years ago.

Do you remember the email you sent Chris after we got Lincoln's diagnosis? Where you talked to him, to me, about our "new normal"?  Well, I still see those words on the screen and I think about how peaceful and welcoming you were from the start. No judgment from Mikey. No fear. Love.

Do you remember how many times I lost the party? I never took home that fucking trophy.

Do you remember how much I loved to cook something new for you? The complete and utter joy on your face when I'd unveil a dish! I would jones for pool parties just so I could make you food and you  could swoon over it!  You'd rub your hands together right under your chin in anticipation of whatever was under the foil covering the still hot dish, that same huge grin. (I still have the Country Meatloaf recipe you emailed to me 6 years ago. Haven't made it yet. Sorry)

Do you remember the last minute Christmas Eve dinner at our house when your mom and her husband came? It is legend around here! It's never been topped and you know I've tried. Of course the food and the wine... but the mood! The laughing! And of course, the love.

Do you remember how you'd tilt your head and smile when you heard something you really liked? Like when we told you "Penelope"'s name?

Do you remember always being the one with the biggest laugh? The longest hug?

I do. I remember. I remember all of it and more.

What in the world is going to happen without you in the world?

We spent hours last night looking through pictures trying to find ones with you in them... truth is, I was looking for the ONE PICTURE I will always have in my mind: You, with tiny, baby Ruby on your lap pretending to feed her strawberry short-cake. The devilish look on your face! You held that fork precariously close to her sweet baby lips and I swear to god you probably gave her some! God, I hope you gave her some...

Oh, Mikey. This is simply the worst. Good-bye, big man. I love you so.

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