Tuesday, December 23, 2014

The Meniscus

The port I'm sipping tastes like raisins soaked for an eternity in sticky, dry wine. It's the color of a starless sky unless you put a light to it and then it shimmers from within like a ruby. It's delicious.

One day I hope I'll be this content and happy all on my own. One day this'll be easy. One day.
But right now, this day is very much like this:

"You always try to see yourself
Through the eyes of someone else

Too shy to say that you need help
You and everybody else
You and everybody else

One day it's here and then it's gone
How are you still holding on?"

How indeed! Today I can tell you that I held on because of my friends. Because of my succulent ladies draped across the low branches for me to pick off with ease and devour.

A billion times today I tried to come up with a reason why I wouldn't be able to make it out tonight. I'm too tired. Nothing fits. The kids will miss me. It's almost Christmas; too much to do. I'm waaaay toooo tired.

But I also knew that If I had one really good shot at rallying some Christmas spirit, it would be in the company of the hot blondes and the smoking brunette.

And oh, wow! Do they fill me up! They are as sweet and dark and delicious as the wine I'm sipping while all cozied up in my bed. And they're just as complicated and mysterious.

I need to remember that that is how I should judge my relationships. Do you suck me dry? Or do you fill me up and let me overlfow? So simple. So excruciatingly difficult.

And while I don't feel any more merry than I did earlier today and I still can't find the spark in my gut that I can usually ignite into a Christmas flame but I am calmer, less lonely feeling and more comfortable in my skin.

The lyrics I included above are from a song called "One Day" by a band called Kodaline. And while the whole album gets to me like bees in a hive, this particular tune as mattered most as of late. Give em a listen and be good to yourself.


Anonymous said...

What a succulent evening for you wonderous ladies!

AJ said...

Perfectly stated. I love having friends who can do just what you said. They fill me up, make me feel comfortable in my own skin. You're beautiful. XOXO